Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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