Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
