The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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