I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
