The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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