Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
