I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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