K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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