i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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