Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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