my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
