Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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