My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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