Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
