just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
