Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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