It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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