Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
