Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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