If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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