he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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