You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was like getting head from an anaconda
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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