It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And then he peed in my hair
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