My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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