Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
