Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
