ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
