Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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