You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
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