you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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