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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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