11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
