i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
