hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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