I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
