hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have post one night stand depression
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
