I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize