the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
