in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
