Kiss
Puke
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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