Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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