I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
