The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
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I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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