I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
