are you so shy because you have an std?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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