I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize