Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
