I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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