Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The adults are the big ones right?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
