some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
