New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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