Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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