whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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