I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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