he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
