I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
