If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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