I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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