the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
