you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
