the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they call him Oral-B. enough said
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
