Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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