Already got asked if we're dating
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
