wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
