I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
