So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
