I'm so fucking centered right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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