how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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