I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
