I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
