Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
