I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
