If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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