I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
