you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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