I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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