I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
