i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
