she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
