i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
