are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
