While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
