this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Dear god my vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
