Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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