I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
