So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
