saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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