Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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