I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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