I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
