Please, let me fuck your mom
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
