I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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