so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
