guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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