Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
